Still Haven’t Graduated From College.

Today I learned I never graduated college.

Let me tell you about it.

A recent background check was done for a new job offer. HR contacted me saying, “We can’t verify your graduation.” Omg did I miss an MMW class or what – I check my degree audit and it shows that my Major and Minor requirements are completed. Okay, odd. I call UCSD. After being bounced around from the Registrar to Admissions to ERC, I get a hold of a lady who gives me the answers.

“Yeah, your status never changed to graduated.”
“But I walked in the ceremony.”
“It says here you attended summer school, so that nullified your graduation status.”
“THAT’S STUPID. AND WHY DIDN’T ANYBODY TELL ME?”
“We sent a message to your Tritonlink, within the deepest, darkest depths of the university portal, buried by tabs and links nobody bothers to check.”
“$#!&*#@!”
“You can apply for graduation today.”
“$#!&$%!*$%@#”

My new job offer was contingent on a smooth background check, and this was one serious punch to the face. Fortunately, HR decided to carry on with my offer despite the hiccup. So yay happy ending. Now what dawned on me was that I went through the early stages of adult life regardless. Since walking the ceremony in ’14… I lived in the city, worked 2 jobs, gone on 4 dates, put a dent in my student loans, and started a retirement fund. All without a college degree.

This just goes to show that you don’t need a degree to be successful. You only need to think you have one. Also, backwards education processes can suck it. WHOOOOOO CLASS OF 2017

Don’t tell my parents.

Pierced Ears & Disappointing Dreams

My parents didn’t let me pierce my ears in high school. I was too young to be tainted by thuggish studs, they thought. But when I asked again in college, they were much more lenient and said yes. So on one autumn weekend, my suite-mates and I journeyed to Claire’s. Like a bride-to-be picking her wedding dress, I tumbled with the selection. Should I get sparkling studs? Black stainless steel? Small and round? Big and square?

My suite-mates were disinterested, but not I. This was my ritual into manhood. First time away from parents, with the ability to do (almost) anything I want. These earrings were glorifying emblems of my newly-ushered independence.

A pair of shiny, edgy studs called out to me through the glass shelf. The bling was unrelenting.

“…T-t-these are perfect.” I muttered underneath my breath.

The clerk placed the pair aside and took out her piercing gun. A look at the needle barrel made my earlobes quiver. The clerk held the loaded gun to my head, pulled my lobes, and took aim. Immediately, I clasped my suite-mate’s hands.

“It’s going to be okay,” whispered my compatriot. His eyes were assuring, and –

*CLICK* The gun snapped.

“Ow.”

Like a fingernails’ pinch.

The earrings weighed heavy, as if carrying a new man’s burden from the lobes. But it felt right. It felt… badass.

I continued wearing earrings throughout college and into my first job out. They emanated sexy, hot, confident. Even on bad hair days, my ears were on point. I wore them to class, to internships, to dance practice, to fraternity meetings, to weddings.

Then one morning, I looked in the mirror. My earrings didn’t look so badass anymore. Rather, they were… off-putting.

Odd. Felt like it was just yesterday they were cool. Now they’re not. What happened?

My old agency boss shared with me last year about when she started as a junior, all she obsessed about was getting promoted. She dreamed of rising the ranks to the executive level. By laboring for long hours, she was rewarded promotions upon promotions. Soon enough, her junior dreams came true. She eventually landed a VP position at a national agency.

“I finally made it. And then I realized it didn’t make me happy.”

She ended with that, and it stuck with me.

That’s not to say my boss has regrets or isn’t happy now. She has a great outlook on life. Quite the positive person with a sweet golden retriever. But she gave me a lens to rethink the burden I put on myself to be perfect in the workplace.

 

Do dreams come and go like fashion trends? Is it that once reality hits, our dreams lose its magic? “What did you want to be when you grow up” usually has a different answer than “Where do you see yourself in a few years”.

Good questions to ask yourselves as you cluelessly wander past your 20’s.

I sure do miss my piercings.

Fight, Little Soldier

Not often do we journey through pretty plains and ocean beaches. Expect to traverse through blinding sandstorms and suffocating typhoons. Not every step forward is as easy as the last one.

We grow accustomed to familiar perils. But when we face new foes, we face new opportunities for learning. We’re forced to navigate differently. To grow thicker skin. To become what we must to survive.

When we’re down and out, tell ourselves it’s okay. We get back up, more capable than ever, to take another step forward. Damn is it painful, but that’s progress. That’s evolution.

 

Loving You Is Complicated

Loving you is complicated.

You strike a smile, one that rests a silver tongue of lies. You wear your heart on a sleeve, it bleeds purple and reeks foul of a corpse’s maggot seeds. Your ears hear praises fit for a king, though they are deaf to beggars and the sick.

Loving you is complicated.

You surround yourself with companions, none of whom would ever lend you a hand. You amass an army, all of whom would abandon you by the coin. You make turn of the ladies’ gaze, some whose hearts you will break.

Loving you is complicated.

You parade yourself a hero, but you are no better than twisted traitors found in Grecian tales. You speak as a scholar, yet remain a stubborn fool. You stand a mountain, only to break at the foundations by a blow of the wind.

Loving you is complicated.

5 YouTube Channels I Follow

YouTube is great for learning, appreciating and creating. After a day of work, I jump onto the couch to catch up on my subscription feed. It’s a lot of juicy stuff. Here are some of my favorite YouTube channels I follow.

1. The School of Life

The School of Life educates on the topic of, well, life. Everything you need to know about philosophy, mental health, emotion and more is included. The videos are packed succinctly to enlighten you within just a few minutes. Want to be a self-aware and better person? Follow this channel.

2. Marques Brownlee (MKBHD)

There are a ton of tech-heads on YouTube, but my favorite is MKBHD. His reviews have breadth and depth, all without the over-the-top personality. Given his large following, he gets a lot of first-hand looks at the latest and greatest in phones, gears and computers. Plus, his video quality is AMAZING.

3. The Off Camera Show

This interview channel with Sam Jones humanizes celebrities and musicians to the very bone. In lieu of talkshows like Conan or Jimmy Fallon, these interviews take place in an intimate room with Jones and A-listers inclusive of Matt Damon, Joseph Gordon Levitt, David Groehl, Olivia Wilde and more. You listen to celebrities talk about their rise to fame, vulnerable pasts, and life back at home – it doesn’t get any more authentic than this.

4. Casey Neistat

Casey Neistat is a high school dropout turned film-maker and founder of mobile app startup, Beme. On top of his crazy schedule of being a husband, father and company owner, he uploads vlogs every. Single. Day. His vlogs aren’t your run-of-the-mill bedroom recordings. It’s stylistically cinematic and so damn eye-pleasing. I’m talking time lapse landscapes and fast cuts following his shenanigans. The content? Aspirational. He’s passionate about making the most out of life, and you hear it in his words and see it in his actions. I would want nothing more than to meet the man himself; he’s a creative inspiration to me.

5. Just Between Us

Just Between Us is a comedy channel about the co-dependent relationship of two friends living together. There’s Allison, an emotionally erratic spunk who self-deprecates on her insecurities. Then there’s Gaby, a pragmatic feminist lesbian. They are a hilarious duo representative of modern-day progressives. Their shorts are witty and well-written, often commentating on the youthful hot topics of relationships and sexuality. If you find their stuff funny, we can be friends.

Whether it’s to inform myself, get a good laugh or reload on my creative juices, my subscription feed never under-delivers.

And I’m always eager to find other fantastic channels to subscribe to. Who do you watch?

Fixation

My dry, cracked lips drip iron blood of which is tasteless. The scent of the crisp, winter air drifts past my recognition. I see, smell and taste nothing… nothing except the warmth and sight of a blurry light glistening at the end of the tunnel.

I ignore the familiar pain of failing expectations so I can fixate on what lies ahead. My aspirations have multiplied in metrics beyond the measuring tape.

I yearn dearly to do something I love. Seize me for slaving to a dishonorable cause. Enslave me, instead, to my passion.

Forget recognition. Forget opinion. Forget expectation.

I will forge my own path.

At least, I deserve the right to believe I can.

Take to the Road

The vision I have is of a man standing atop a cliff, battle-hardened by the atrocities of days’ past. He looks down the beaten path behind him and smirks. His cheeks crease with a confidence overshadowed only by vast mountains ahead. Though imperfect, he is fearless. He is bold.

To be that man means to have suffered.
And suffer I did in 2015.

At the start of the year, I boarded the ship with youthful vigor. I set sail across the oceans of the unknown. Then a few months passed, and I was afflicted with a sea sickness of loneliness. Armed with a telescope, I peered into the starboards of neighboring ships and saw others were sailing greater vessels and calmer seas. I desperately crafted epics and tales in the confines of my own ship but to no avail. I felt sicker.

On the fourth month, a storm hit. A gale sliced through the ship’s mast and water flooded the port. I spiraled into the mercy of the blue. The ocean’s force crushed my spirit and left me shattered on the beaches of hopelessness.

It’s the seventh month. I’ve labored without rest for daily sustenance on the dreadful island. Every minute, hour and day blended into the tastelessness of air. I lost my mind. I had devolved into a land mammal simpleton.

I built a fire by the ninth month. But this fire was unlike any other fire. It was my fire. Its flames were fueled by my hate, anger and angst. I yelled to the stars for rest, and they twinkled with silence. I continued to labor.

The same fire had burned for two months. Then, from the bushes, others emerged. Others just like me. Others who were shipwrecked, lost and left believing they were alone. They found my fire and sat around. They, too, had flames of their own.

By the year’s end, I resolved to leave the beach. No longer would I slump into the sands of self-loathing. While some stayed on the beach, others walked into the shrubs alongside me. We stumbled upon many roads and took to our paths.  Where my road goes, I do not know. But I choose to walk it.

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2015 treated me with not a scent of fairness. But I’m glad it happened. I’m stronger. Braver. Sharper. I’m not that man on top of the cliff just quite yet, but I’m a few yards closer.

Taking steps. That’s what I have to keep doing. Straight into 2016.

And into this year, I resolve to do two things. One, take better care of myself. Two, tweet less depressing tweets.

Up the road I go.